The Right Anger

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He abandoned himself by having affairs, and now he is learning and healing. You are abandoning yourself by trying to control him with your anger, and hopefully now you will also learn and heal. What would happen if you decided to not take his behavior personally? And your heartbreak is stuck inside, being blocked and covered over by your anger. Right now, breathe into your heartbreak and let yourself fully feel it.

Bring deep kindness, tenderness and compassion to your heartbreak. Samantha started to sob deeply. I kept reminding her to be very gentle with herself. After awhile, the sobs subsided and Samantha looked relieved.

You Have the Right to Feel Anger and Protest Your Discomforts

I've needed to cry like that for a long time. I can see that the anger stopped the pain. How are you feeling about Brad right now?

He had a devastating childhood with no love at all and I'm so glad he is working on his own healing now. He really is a good guy who made some bad mistakes and hurt both of us.

And now I've been hurting him with my anger. I don't want to do that anymore. Compassion for yourself and him will bring about healing, while anger will continue to hurt both of you. Are you willing to begin practicing compassion for yourself and him?

Controlling Your Anger Before It Controls You

Samantha did practice compassion and things began to change between her and Brad. Eventually Brad joined us in conjoint Inner Bonding Skype sessions and was able to learn to have compassion for himself and Samantha. Brad saw that his affairs were a way of trying to get the love that he didn't receive as a child. Are you being compliant instead of honest? Are you ignoring your deeper feelings of heartbreak, loneliness, or helplessness over a person or situation?

Have you ever exploded on someone and then been shocked by your own behavior? Sari Chait tells BuzzFeed.

Anger - everyone feels angry sometimes

Taking note of your thoughts and feelings is also important. Are you unable to think clearly? Do you have tunnel vision? Write these things down, then clock them when they start to show up in your body; to help the fires die down in the moment, take deep breaths or leave the room.

Can getting angry be good for you? | HowStuffWorks

Common body areas include shoulders, arms, hands, legs, and feet. Have you ever been in the midst of a fight with a partner when suddenly they crack a joke and it instantly makes you feel lighter? Depending on the seriousness of the argument, this can be a recipe for disaster. But sometimes it really helps.

What the philosophers had to say about anger.

Are you hungry? You could simply go off on your colleague, calling him out publicly on all of his negative behaviors and telling him that everyone's sick and tired of it. Will that change his behavior?

But is that really how you want to handle the situation? Not only will this adversely affect your relationship with this co-worker, but you may damage your reputation and that of others as well. In contrast, if you take time to think your actions and their consequences through, your strategy will be much more effective.

Of course, in the heat of the moment, you won't always be inspired to sit back and reflect on the situation.

That's why it's important to learn to keep control. Certain situations require an immediate response, as when you witness some type of abuse or bullying, be it physical or psychological. But in other cases, smaller things could cause your anger to build up to the point at which you're in danger of losing control of your emotions. If you're in the middle of an extremely uncomfortable situation, it's difficult to not say the first thing that comes to mind. Before doing or saying something that you'll surely regret, get yourself away from the situation. According to the American Psychological Association APA , deep breathing is one of the fastest ways to reduce the intensity of your anger.